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In a meeting last night, I was asked:

If you really wanted this thing so badly, then why in all of a sudden you are giving this up?

I admit, the question asked was hard. I was’t even able to answer the person who asked me the question. Yes, why am I letting go and giving up? I asked myself again.

I contemplated as soon as I got home, I looked back at those times when I was still starting this journey. The contemplation made me realize I have gone a long way already, I have invested so much and has given much of myself already.

The works I have done, efforts I have placed, and the change I tried to put into place are perhaps the reasons why some of my colleagues are so concerned, or at least that is what they told me.

Is it really worth giving up and letting go?

Ever since I was a child, it has always been emphasized by my parents that I must give more value to the things that I need and not those that I want, for the things that I need are things that would really have a great impact in my life.

Such lesson imparted by my parents, I recalled as I was contemplating last night. I could even picture out the facial expressions of my parents and their distinct voices whilst telling such things to me.

Perhaps it was the answer I have been looking for. The answer to that hard question. Is this something that I just want? Or something that I really need in my life?

I realized, it is, after all, just a thing that I want in my life. If I follow what my parents told me, then there’s no question that I should be giving this up.

But the thought of “stopping in the middle of a battle when you have great odds of winning” makes it hard on my part to decide.

They asked for a few days, I think my mind’s fixed already.

We are all hypocrites

In the same meeting, I was told I was being a hypocrite. I don’t deny it. I was indeed being a hypocrite. People are hypocrites, we all are. We sometimes reach a point in our lives where we choose and settle in the hypocritical side, not because we have a choice but because it is the only way left.

If I had the choice, I would have braved the unknown pedestal, chosen not to be on the hypocritical side, that was if I had the choice. But I don’t, unfortunately. Or at least the different circumstances do not warrant me.

So I chose to be hypocrite.

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