Since I am still not in the mood for studying, I wish to contain first all the thoughts that are flying in and out of my mind. More often than not, when I get idle, some things are flying in and out of my mind that’s why I get to have something to post in my blog.
Ever since I was a child, I have wanted to become a doctor. I have always looked up to some of my relatives who became a doctor, be it a physician, optometrists and etc. To name some are my grandparents, my dad, and one aunt of mine, who are optometrists by profession. Another aunt is a physician. An uncle is a surgeon. A cousin in my mother’s side is a physician. I remember back then that when my father does not have clinic duties, we used to plan how my hospital will look like. I remember sketching it a paper posted in a wall and every time I wake up, it reminded me of my passion in wanting to become a doctor.
While I aged, that passion slowly faded away. I remember I once dreamt to become a television figure. But I soon realized it was definitely impossible for me since I don’t have any of what will make me a television figure.
While I was being exposed to many fields in my life especially in high school, it has also gave way in developing some suppressed skills that I have. One is journalism to the point that I seriously considered mass communications for college. My mom is a Mass Comm. graduate but I saw how she didn’t have the chance to practice. Not only does she need to attend to us, her kids, but I am conceding to the fact also that if you don’t get to graduate in tough mass comm. schools you will get little to no chance at all entering the 3 giants in news for the Philippines- ABS CBN, GMA and TV5.
Then I also considered taking up Public Administration. Let’s just say that ever since, I was this open-minded child. I was this on the nose for news especially when it concerns government. I even became an active student leader. To name some of the positions I’ve held before are: Region IX President of SSG, National Vice President for Mindanao of the SSG, JRCY President for ZSNHS, Little Mayor of Pagadian, et al. Those positions or experiences must I say opened my mind to the status quo of the government and politics in the Philippines. Those helped me realize that government here has its trash and crap side and it also has its good side as well.
Must I admit that those wanting made me confused in college. Maybe perhaps that was the reason why I made some wrong decisions before. Not that I don’t know what I want but I had just too many options in life. Too many things I want without really checking into myself what I really want and what are the things I “supposedly” want.
Settling for a decision
While I was being indecisive before, I never realized that life shall always boil down to what your self really wants. Others wanted to become a teacher yet chose to take up nursing and ended up unsatisfied. Others want to be a nurse but chose to become an accountant, successful they may be, the passion perhaps is not there.
As for me, I haven’t seen the picture that life was bringing me to what I have always wanted, to become a doctor. For many times in my life, I have been discouraged to chase for this dream because simply, it’s hard. The journey is not a piece of cake. Getting there is not as easy as how we thought it was when we were like 5 or 6 years old.
I remember, when I am asked back then on what do I want to become when I grow up, I can easily answer it with “I want to become a doctor” in no less than a minute. But now, that I am getting there, getting there in a way that I am taking up a degree to be able to take up medicine afterwards, answering the question is as hard as answering the most difficult exam in your finals. One may say, I want to be a doctor, but with hesitations because things shall enter into your mind. Like are you really destined to become one. Can you sustain should you be there already.
Why be a doctor?
If I were considering noble reasons, I would have taken up education. If I were considering easy money, I could have decided to become a seaman. If I were considering fame, I could have gone to a theater school or taken up degree that promotes my aesthetic intelligence. But I did not. So why be a doctor?
For one, the idea is making me crazy. Seeing some doctors in medical drama excites me. Getting your own lab gown with a big name as a surgeon placed in it inspires me. Cutting people, stitching them, makes my adrenaline go high. Like what I’ve mentioned, it has always been my dream, then it was suppressed, then it came out again from the shell. So basically that’s one thing why I want to become a doctor.
For two, I was born from a family of Optometrists. I belong to a generation of Salomon that has many nurses. I have relatives who are physicians by profession so give me the benefit to believe in the reason that it may be running in our genes to be science loving, or for that matter, medicine-loving. My dad actually was a frustrated physician so maybe those dreams of his on becoming a physician have I inherited from him. Yeah, those were frail reasons.
For three, I couldn’t imagine myself becoming something else than what I wanted to be. I don’t see myself teaching in a class because I am impatient. I don’t see myself counting numbers because I don’t like Mathematics. I don’t imagine myself drawing and making plans for a particular building. Really, I have always imagined myself treating patients, signing prescription pads, and cutting a section of the body. It’s bloody but I love it.
I have always believed in the saying that “Getting into something is easy, staying is the hardest part” but it’s otherwise in becoming a doctor. Getting into med school is hard. You have to earn premed degree. Have satisfactory grades. Pass the NMAT in which some schools pose a high cut-off. Then, staying in the med school is harder. Sleepless nights. Pressuring subjects. Thousands of words to memorize and those other things med students do. However, graduating, becoming a resident or a fellow is the hardest because you’ll never reach this level had you not satisfied the previous and the previous previous. Not only it is time consuming but also, pocket tearing.
I am still in the first level though. Getting my premed. But I would like to believe that God has this reason why he placed my here. I would like to believe that the reason is, I am going to be a doctor someday. Take that as “me believing in myself”, neither complacency nor egotism. At some point in your life, you have to believe in your self to get motivated, you have to believe in yourself to make yourself driven and it works.
Getting back on track, it’s inevitable and I admit that I do have issues with this premed of mine. Like at some point I would like to give up because of some pressures that I believe I couldn’t withstand. There’s this point that I am totally losing confidence with myself and turning or giving into doubts. There’s this point that I was just too tired. I know those were wrong but those things make me human. But now, I’ve realized that it does not do me something good nor does it help me in reaching my dreams. What I do understand is that those were trials measuring if there’s really an unwavering desire to become a doctor. God wont give you a problem or a test that you cannot survive. That’s what I do know.
So, I will always believe that I will be a doctor someday. That, that is what God wants me to become. And that is what I am going to be, someday.