She has moved on, when will I?


Move on Painlessly


The title of this post may stir up interests, but on the outset, I would like to say that this does not reflect my state right now.

When people break up, moving on they say is the next thing one must do. While on one hand, some say, it can be done easily. Many say on the other hand, this is the most difficult, the hardest part, especially in becoming whole again after becoming shattered.  I can’t disagree.

Why does this become the hardest part? I would present three arguments for this.

For one, this becomes the hardest part because you’re trying to remove someone who has already been part of your system for quite a time now, especially those who have been together for long years.  Removing someone really is hard. It will never be as easy as moving files from your Macbook Hard Drive to the trash, emptying the trash, and voila, they disappear.  It’s more than that. It’s more than moving someone to trash and emptying the trash, it takes courage and enough endurance to withstand the pain and the haunts that visit your thoughts from time to time. Removing someone can be compared to reformatting your computer, a long process I may say. From installation, to configuration, to finally finishing everything up. Just like reformatting, you must go through forgetting, getting rid of everything, installing new vibes and positive vibes this time, getting back to your system and your system is good as new once again. So, I’ll never believe someone who was truly in love back then if in an instant, he/she will say, I have totally forgotten about you, because it is a lie. It’s not that easy to forget and to remove someone from your hard disk, it takes more than reformatting, more than conditioning (Psychology) to do that.

For two, you’re constantly reminded by your supposed plans that make your heart cry out more and break out more. “Huhuhuhu” it is, not “Hehehehe” or “Lubb Dubb” for your heart. Say, the plan of getting married on day. Walking down the aisle.  Size of the cake you wanted to have. The primary and secondary sponsors you wish to invite. Or perhaps the kids you wanted to have. The vacations you planned to have.

Unfortunately, all the plans have vanished together wit the relationship that was lost. Like what the book “Art of Rejection” says, the plans that both of you had, when you were still together, makes moving on hard. It constantly reminds you on the “what-ifs” of your relationship. The plans sometimes make you hold on to hopes or desires to be back to each other, but in reality, it just breaks you more, making the situation of moving on hard. Harder than how you expect it to be.

The last argument is hoping. I cannot agree less that it is innate already in humans to hope. Hoping for the better or even the best. It also applies in relationships. When you’re still in the courtship stage, you hope you’ll get the sweet yes, or for female, you hope he’s being true and serious. When you two are already in a relationship, you both hope you’ll last. You hope that the quarrels, or fights you have will be solved immediately. And when the relationship is breaking apart, or has been broken, you hope to be back together.

At a certain point in my life, I had hoped for a thing that had already been at its worse state to turn out good yet I realized, hoping was inconclusive.  So I have ruled it out because it was pretentious. Pretentious in a way that it may give you false hopes and in the end, disappoint you. So, hoping here makes a big issue. While it may be good to at least hope for something, but sometimes, it does not make the ends meet. I personally advice that when it is the end, do not hope. Hoping will just make you chase more and may lead you to a pursuit of disappointment instead of pursuit of happiness. If you want to play safe, don’t hope; let life do its part. Let “destiny” do its part. Of course if you’re this “I’ll-take-the-risk-no-matter-what-happens-and-I’ll-hope-that-bad-things-will-turn-out-good” type of person, then this will never be your option.

Moving on, maybe the hardest, but you can lessen the impact of it. You can make it easier for you. Making it easier does not deprive yourself of getting back to that person, but instead it helps you open new horizons of your life. It helps you become a better you. Become a better person you wanted to be or even a better partner to that someone someday.

According to the flick Ghost of Girlfriend’s Past, “To get over with somebody is to find someone you care more.  The first time I have heard of this, my reaction was like, “Are you nuts?” because I have understood it as like “panakip-butas” but eventually, while I was trying to decipher the true meaning of it, I must say that it truly is one of the many resorts one can cling on to successfully get rid and move on from someone. Sometimes, we may think that having a panakip butas is just a way to avoid criticisms, or to avoid issues, but admit it, it is one of the coping mechanisms people have which is why I can never blame some friends of mine doing things like that because I understood it as a coping mechanism. And for the record, it is an effective coping mechanism.

If you concede with the three arguments presented, then you will come to know things that makes moving on hard.  Knowing the things that make moving on hard will make moving on easier, ironic but true. If you have considered the three arguments, then moving on will be easy. If you have moved on, they you can already proudly say, “She has moved on, and so did I”.


7 thoughts on “She has moved on, when will I?

  1. Yes Sajib, I believe also that it will work.

    Sensitive on personal things. What I meant about that was if you are already having a conversation, don’t easily ask questions that may be uncomfortable for her. Remember you both are still on the process of getting to know each other so it would be serve both your interests that you keep personal things, personal.

    Yes, I do chat. I only have Yahoo Messenger. It would be good also in my part to have a friend from other nationality. I will just email you my yahoo ID. 🙂

  2. I have not received any email yet, James.

    By the way, do you mind deleting our conversation above, please? I really don’t want anyone else to discover these comments made by me. Thanks.

    1. Why? It’s a good feeling but you must caution yourself because hurt will really come, but in hurting, we learn to become strong and we learn new lessons in life. It’s part of the human cycle to love and get hurt.

      So cheers! Love and be loved!

  3. Of course. I oredi did. haha. Maybe someday I’d love again 😉 when our hearts collide. Whoever “HE” is. I hope he’d take care of me. Cos I”ve been through enough! 😉

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