This will be the first and the last time I will be talking about the plight I am experiencing now and I don’t want that my Facebook account will have such a feast of questions coming from you guys.
You might be wondering why I have decided that to be the title of my post. You might be asking yourselves what had happened and what is going on between Nica and me.
Once and for all, it is over between the two of us.
I hope I am making myself clear here.
The past three years of love and friendship between the two of us started at an unexpected point. I remember that the very first moment our eyes have met, I was not into her yet. I was inlove with somebody else. But just like the song by Nina says, love moves in mysterious ways.
We’ve fallen in love; we’ve gone through different trials and tests even reaching to a point where our families were the ones who prohibit us, because of our juvenile age. Yet that did not hinder us from loving each other more, instead, those trials made our love strong, at a certain point in our life.
The three years of love and friendship taught me lessons in life. It has taught me how to love unconditionally. It has taught me how to love someone, more than I love myself, respect someone, and shared myself to someone. Nica was the longest person I had a relationship with so far.
She has taught me many things in life. Turning me from pessimistic to an optimistic individual. Making me humble from self-conceited. Motivating me from mediocre to perfection. Indeed, those 3 years were life-changing years and apart of who I am today, I owe it to her.
However, when one commits into a relationship, it is but inevitable to experience several tests and trials that will measure the foundation, the trust and love. I say, we have gone through a lot of this. Most of the time, we are successful. Yet, we have not overseen that those trials are just like a wheel, it comes back, and just like a tsunami, the second wave is tougher. I personally could have learned from the first wave, but I neglected to learn. That’s where the fault comes in.
I admit that this “getting over of each other” is mainly caused by me. I was the one who did wrong in the relationship/friendship. I was the one who was careless enough to make things worse. I am accepting the consequences of it.
I am not writing this to gain sympathy from people. I am writing this for clarification.
Kris Aquino, in an interview said, it must have been love, but it is over now. I guess such song also applies to us. I learned that everything here is temporary and so is Love. Love is dynamic. It changes from time to time depending on the situation and depending on the persons involved. I learned that enough really is not enough. That one must go beyond enough.
I admit that I am in a rough situation right now. It is never easy to start from scratch. It is never easy to forget someone who had influenced your life in the past 3 years. It is never easy to let go of Nica.
I hate to be hurt. I hate to be shattered. I hate to be envying other people. But like what Ate Hydra posted in her blog, I quote, “ it’s also true that you need to get hurt to feel better again. That your heart has to be torn apart for it to be put back together and it hopefully becomes stronger. It’s also true that you have to fall into pieces to become whole once again. And when you do become whole, you’re wiser, you’re stronger and you’re a better you”.
I need to get hurt. I need to accept that it is over for the both of us, that only time and destiny can tell if we really are for each other, and that I know I’ll be stronger, I’ll be a better me.
To Nica, thank you very much for the life you have given to me. For being the light when my days are filled with gloom. For being my sunshine when it rains. For being just who you are when I needed you the most. Thank you for the moments we have shared that I will treasure till my last breath.
It’s not moving on. It’s instead moving forward. This is what I shall do.
Moving forward and leaving everything behind. Leaving, as if it was a history where I can only look, recall but not go back to it.
Maybe in the process of moving forward, we’ll find another partner; we will find another person to love. Yes, it would make moving forward harder, but I know that when we see each other so happy with another one, I know it would make us more happy also.
I really learned a lot from this chapter of my life. And now I am ready to close this page, and move on to another page, to learn, to grasp, and to understand the beauty of life.